May 11, 2014


Zander: This is apparently the hat he will wear to the snow. (What snow? huh?)
Evie Claire: Vegemite face.
Poppy: Always bouncin', always smiling.
Ruby: Learning to sit up and loving it... until her big sister comes and jumps on the bed next to her.

So, its Mothers Day today.
And you know what?
I'm pretty damned blessed.

And that, really, is all there is to say.

May 4, 2014


Evie: Got a haircut, this is the messy bedhead version of it. 
Zander: You cannot point a camera at him without him pulling a stupid face these days.
Poppy: peeking through the slats 
Ruby: mildly amused and mummy trying to get her to crack a smile.

Apr 27, 2014


Ruby: Giggling gurtie
Poppy: Waiting for brunch
Evie: "No mummy, I don't want to stand still!"
Zander: Mid flight with his butterfly wings (a scarf)

All straight from camera and not very good photos to boot this week, but they capture the moods of the kids pretty well I think.

Apr 24, 2014

Throwback Thursday

Happy birthday week to one of my closest and dearest friends, even if he is half a world away.

From Instagram.

Apr 20, 2014


Yeah so, seems like I forgot to post the photos I took last week, so you get a double digest this time.

Zander: (week 15) Goofing around.
Zander: (week 16) This is by far not the best photo taken this week, but its definitely the one which took hold the most. When I was looking at him through the camera I suddenly saw the teenager he will become. It was scary and wonderful at the same time.

Evie: (week 15) Trying to make a fish face (it wasnt really happening for her).
Evie: (week 16) Pretending to be the easter bunny.

Poppy: (week 15) My chatty girl full of squeals.
Poppy: (week 16) This baby is probably the happiest baby ever.

Ruby: (week 15) Day 2 of her share of the chickenpox. She had it the worst and was incredibly uncomfortable.
Ruby: (week 16) Hanging out with her sister and almost back to her normal self, although not really into eating still.


So this is where we are at.
Simon is getting better although still sensitive to light being that he doesnt open his transplanted eye much. Also it hurts still for him and is often uncomfortable.
The kids have all had their chickenpox and are getting over it in time to enjoy their easter and school holidays which started on Thursday. Poppy and Ruby both had it the worst and it looks like there might be some scaring from it, which is a shame. Still, its early days.
I had the best sleep ever last night. It was the fucking best.

Its been raining cats and dogs all morning, but I'm kind of loving it.
Except I'm running out of my comfy hobo pants because they are all in the wash.

Apr 7, 2014

The aisle

Two years ago today, I was meant to be walking down the aisle to this song.

I spent weeks, every time Simon left the house, secretly hunting down a version I liked enough. I had even tried to commission a fellow librarian / musician to record an acoustic it for me but his recording equipment broke - so I went to iTunes and You Tube.

Sadly (or possibly for the best since its so filled with emotion for both of us) our mates couldn't get the sound system working outside so it actually didn't happen on the day.

It still reminds me of our day though. (And I like to play it occasionally to just sit back, and remember, and be happy, and be loved.)




Zander: Wanted an eye patch like daddy.
Evie: Every photo I took of her this week had the same grump on. This one was the cutest.
Poppy: Over the worst of her chickenpox, shes had it horribly.
Ruby: Concerned baby is concerned.

This is late, very late but, oh my god... What a week - again.
Simon had his op on Monday and it went well although the recovery took far longer than he expected, and a bit longer than I pessimistically thought too. Not that hes recovered now but by the time I go back to work tomorrow he will at least be able to handle the parenting gig without me for the day. Hes pretty much needing to wear sunglasses all day inside, as the light is so bright to him and he gets headaches easily. The noise is getting to him more, almost like his senses are in overload mode. Its been two hourly drops for anti rejection and 4 hourly drops of antibiotics. That will continue for a long long time. He wears a clear patch over his eye at night to prevent him rubbing it, this will need to stay there for a very long time. The stitches themselves stay in 18-24 months.

Poppy and Evie had chickenpox. Evie's was bad but nothing compared to Poppy's. She was utterly miserable and sore and couldn't sleep or eat or even breathe without being upset. Her entire upper half was more pox than skin and she was so feverish.
I wanted to gnash my teeth at anyone who said things along the lines 'silver linings!', of how great it is to get them young and over and done with. Maybe I'm oversensitive with these babies because of their prem and fragile start to life but.. you know what? No baby should be in that much pain if it can be prevented. I held her half the night while she screamed and it was horrible for her. Eventually I had to let her cry herself to sleep and catch about 40 minutes myself so I could look after everyone else and god I felt terrible for it.
I would of preferred to get the two youngest ones vaccinated than have to go through this but they are too young for that one. As for Evie and Zander, I had thought they had already had a mild dose so we never bothered.
Ruby still hasn't got them. I'm terrified of when she does. She will have it the worst. I'm so tired.

Simon's mum has been up here twice this last week, and has been an utter godsend. I pretty much wouldn't of survived this week, with everything going on and all my assignments due, without her.

I had my research proposal due today, and I've got it in. The other assignment I got in too, somehow. Now I'm concentrating on the oodles of data to browse through for my research.

Oh and its our wedding anniversary today.
Me and the kids are celebrating by taking Simon across the city to a post op appointment where we will have to wait around for 2-3 hours but cant go inside the hospital due to the pox. Not sure how that will go.

This sounded grumpy. And I'm not exactly... just tired. 
And its five am. 

Mar 30, 2014


Zander: Can't look at the camera without doing a stupid face of some description.
Evie: My chickenpoxed kid, numero uno.
Poppy: Caught in the sunshine.
Ruby: Playing peek-a-boo

So, three things:
1. What the hell has blogger been doing to my images lately, the compression is so bad, the colours are all thrown off. My black and whites look brown on here and my light and airy images look...weird.
But, too tired to care, and at least I know the originals are good.

2. Zander is over his pox and back at school this week, but as of yesterday Poppy and Evie have broken out. Ruby is the lone survivor of this virus so far, we are just waiting for her to go down.

3. This week was infinitely better than the last.

Mar 23, 2014


Poppy: Caught mid chuckle
Zander: The grumpy chickenpox fairy
Evie: A blur of giggles
Ruby: Ru.


The weeks are getting longer and harder at the moment, yet still passing in a blur. The balance of work / study / children / husband is a fragile one, and to be honest - I'm struggling under the weight of anything extra curricular.
The extras: Chickenpox. Simon has an operation in a week, which is both amazingly exciting and scary smushed in together. The new build is amazing and exciting but, my god, the details - the DETAILS. Sickness. Tiredness. Husbands watching cricket at 2am. Visitors, loves, wishlists and photography.

Just... Living. Its extra.

The energy of saying 'No, I can't, I'm sorry.'

No one should ever put this much on themselves and I would never expect it of others yet here I am expecting it of myself. I realise this is completely hypocritical.
Still, in 4 months, this level of crazy will be over, and in another couple of short months after that - my study will be complete.

If I pass. I have to pass.

I just need to do it.
I just need to put my head down and do it.